She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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