I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
