highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
