I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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