He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
