come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
