Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
What happened to fro yo and sex?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
