I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
