this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
FUCK WHALES
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
