I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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