This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
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