babies were throwing up all over the place
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
