You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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