I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
So much rum. So many feels.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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