Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
