apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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