he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
should my penis look like a turkey
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
