K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
