Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
