she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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