Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
