how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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