I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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