There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
