So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
