Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
