This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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