i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
