i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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