Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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