I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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