whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
