I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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