He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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