He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
