is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
The beer is more important than you right now.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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