I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
