and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
