SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
