Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
