I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
