when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
last night I used snow as a chaser
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