hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
