Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
