Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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