I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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