then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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