My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
