I don't remember. Are we still dating?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
no you cant smoke seaweed
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
