the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
