I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
