you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
