Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
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