I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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