I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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