You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
