I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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