She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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