idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
