The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
