Ambien. No doubt about it.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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