We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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