she looked like the bat from fern gully.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
